Life's Compass (IS4)

Dear God,

It’s me again, seeking balance in the whirlwind that is my life. I know that you give the hardest battles to those you call your own, but there are moments when I find myself on my knees, crying out to You. Even when I stumble and fall, I know that You are always there. God, I am worn out, but through my exhaustion, with the last of my strength, I will always whisper ‘Amen’. 

When my heart is breaking and my world is falling apart, I will still throw my life at the feet of the cross. God, help me to follow your plan, even if I don’t feel strong enough to stand. In Exodus 14:14 You remind me: ‘The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still’. 

You showed up and fought for the Israelites by parting the Red Sea in their darkest moment and kept Your promise. In the same way, You have shown me to let go and let God. You will handle what seems impossible and I am a testimony to this. When the odds of having a relationship with my son were against me, You showed up. When I pleaded my case in court, You showed up. I felt your presence; Your overwhelming peace. When I lost custody of my son and felt hopeless, You reminded me to keep silent and to be still. The hardest battles are the ones where you have no certainty of how they will end, but I trusted that You knew how mine would end. You urged me to put on the amour of God from Ephesians 6:11 and stand firm against the challenges ahead. 

For five months I could not see my son, speak to him, comfort him or father him. I felt like a failure, fearing my son would forget me. But then I heard You whisper: ‘do not be afraid,’ as proclaimed in Psalms 27:1. Like Hannah, I surrendered control. Psalm 34:17 reminds me that ‘the righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them’. This time, when going back to court, the decision granted was for us to have shared custody. When I saw my son again, I was anxious and worried but then he ran to me, with arms wide open and a smile that lit up my heart, shouting ‘Daddy!’ The tears ran down my face as I held him close, overwhelmed with gratitude, whispering, ‘Thank You, Jesus!’ 

Lord, I have made mistakes. I have broken the promises I made in life. I have made choices I have regretted. The guilt, the shame, the hurt, but You reminded me that You are not finished with me yet. You took the impossible and made it possible as declared in Luke 1:37. When I could not fight, you held my hand and fought for me. You were my strength; You guided my steps and your presence was in me. 

Father, I realise now that life is not about how we live, it’s in what we place our faith. Despite the many doubts cast by others, You forged an unbreakable bond with my son. Strengthened by the Holy Spirit. You taught me that Your mercies are new each day and that Your grace sustains me. 

Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 12:9: ‘My grace is sufficient for you; My loving kindness and My mercy are more than enough—always available—regardless of the situation; for My power is being perfected and is completed and shows itself most effectively in your weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly boast in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may completely enfold me and dwell in me’. God I acknowledge my own limitations and weaknesses, Your divine power was most clearly demonstrated in what you did for me and, most of all, I am learning that Your Grace is sufficient. 

As I end this prayer, I plead for Your strength to face life’s trials. Grant me courage through pain, weakness, and hurt, so that I may stand firm and ultimately say ‘Amen’. Remind me that Your grace runs deeper than any sin, and even when I am down and cannot get up, it is Your hand that will lift me. 

Thank you for what you have begun in my life. Today I stand as testimony of a man that was broken, damaged and hurt, not worth living and who lost everything. But You said no my son, and You reminded me that I still belong to you. So, I lift my eyes, my hope, my faith and my love to You. 

May all the glory be yours! Thank you Father; in Jesus' name, 

Amen.